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Marriage is hard.

You have two sinners who have their own agenda, with their own expectations. That’s a disaster waiting to happen.

But with God, all things are possible.

There is a reason God ordained marriage. It’s a perfect picture of Christ and the Church. Two becoming one flesh. There is sacrifice that has to happen for both the husband and the wife. It’s work. Hard work. Constant work.

Never in your marriage are you stagnant. There is a constant ebb and flow in marriage. Either you are drawing closer to each other, or you are moving away from each other. The stress of life can definitely draw you apart. This season of small children is especially trying on a marriage.

Improve Your Marriage

1. Pray together. This can be hard. Prayer can be a vulnerable time. I remember when we were first married, I really struggled with praying with my husband. I’m not sure if I was trying to put up a front, or if I was struggling with following the leadership of a fellow sinner. Regardless, it was hard. But there is a marked difference between couples that pray together and those that do not.

2. Talk. So simple but so important. Even if you and your husband are on opposite schedules, you have to make time to talk to each other. There are occasions when this communication can be done via text or email, but for the most part you really need to talk face to face. I would also suggest doing it with the lights on. Does that sound silly? It might. But I know for me there have been times when I brought up topics that needed to discussed right before we were falling asleep. It was just easier to bring it up in the darkness of the room. I don’t suggest that.

3. Have sex. Yes, I really just typed that. In healthy marriages, the husband and wife are having sex. Regularly. Are there seasons where this is hard? Yes. Especially with littles. But have you noticed that your relationship with your spouse gets strained when you aren’t making this a priority? This emotional and physical connection is vital. Especially during the tough seasons.

4. Date. It doesn’t have to be anything fancy. Maybe you need to change your expectations of a date. You don’t always need a babysitter. Dating can be frugal. Make a list of date ideas together. Cut them into strips and place them in a jar. Then you already have the answer to, “So, what should we do tonight?”. Start here.

5. Turn off the television. It is so easy to just veg on the couch together watching the television mindlessly. But this does nothing to improve your marriage. Yes, you are technically spending time together. But are you talking to each other? Maybe you are. Maybe this really does work for you. But I would venture to guess that for others it’s not working. Instead of the time together drawing them toward each other, they are moving apart. It would be far better to turn off the television and play UNO together. Start a new hobby together. Put a puzzle together with your spouse. Do anything. Together.

6. Hold hands. Simple, but important. Touch is key in a marriage. Even when you are angry at each other. There is just something about a touch that can break down walls.

7. Ask for forgiveness. We’re not perfect. We will mess up. I’ve learned that I can usually say, “I’m sorry” but not really mean it. But there is something different about me going to my husband, acknowledging that I messed up, and asking him to forgive me.

Remember Who Is Watching

One of the things I’ve been struck with recently, is that my husband and I are modeling marriage to our children. I wish I could say that we model Christ in our marriage all the time, but we don’t. But we can model forgiveness and reconciliation. We can model putting our relationship first. It is so easy to put our children first. Especially when they are little and need us so much. But that can be detrimental to our marriage. If our focus is on our children, and they are the center of our relationship, what happens when they grow up and leave the nest? It is vital that we make our spouse our top priority {second to God of course}.

Bonus

I’ll add an 8th way that my husband and I committed to. We will never bring up divorce. That D-word is never uttered in our house. Even during the super hard times when the stress of life is almost too much to handle, we know that it’s not even an option.

What are practical ways you can do today to improve your marriage?

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