Do you ever scroll through Instagram or Pinterest and wonder if you’ll ever measure up? Let’s stop and embrace who we are and this boring mom life.
Hi, my name is Whitney. I’m a mom of four, and I’m a boring mom. But this is my boring mom life.
My days are filled with trying to remember who to pick up when, keeping my family fed, and trying really hard to not leave the clothes in the washing machine for DAYS. Being a stay at home mom is boring.
Am I alone in this?
Everywhere I look I see moms who have it all together. Their lives look fun and exciting. Picture perfect even, and then there is me. The boring mom. Feeling like I am less than and that I will never measure up. Wondering if there is life beyond my kids. Trying to figure out where I went wrong and if I will ever have friends again.
I’ve become a boring mom.
The Boring Mom Life
Do you ever scroll through Instagram or Pinterest and wonder if you’ll ever measure up? Do you long for the simple days of your childhood? Are you tired of feeling like a failure because you can’t keep up?
Sometimes I wonder if my kids will end up in therapy because we didn’t host themed birthday parties, plan out amazing Easter Baskets, or have special elaborate celebrations for holidays. I feel like I’m causing my kids to miss out on the important things in life. But it’s all I can do to make sure everyone has a full belly, clean clothes, and feels loved throughout the day. Anything on top of that feels overwhelming, not to mention costly. Sometimes I long for the days before social media when life seemed more simple. Less about the pomp and circumstance, and more about pouring ourselves into the lives of our children without guilt.
Life Before Kids
Before kids, I talked on the phone. A lot. Now, when the phone rings, the kids start screaming and running around like lunatics, so I let it ring. If you REALLY want to get a hold of me, send a text. I know that this crazy season won’t last forever, so I’m okay with it. Most days.
Before kids, I went out. With friends. Do people still do that? Sometimes it was out to eat and other times it was hanging out at someone’s house. We talked about life and what we just found at Target, what we thought life would look like with kids. We, of course, knew what we were talking about because we were babysitters and worked at daycare centers. Are you laughing? You should be. We didn’t have A CLUE. LOL
My arms ached for a baby, but it wasn’t meant to be. Doctors didn’t know why. Nothing was happening.
Boring Mom Life
Three months after moving to a new area, we found out I was pregnant. I was both elated and uncertain. I mean, we waited for YEARS for this to happen, and yet, we had just left our support system. The people who had walked the infertility road with me were now hours away.
Our oldest was born, and 19 months later our oldest son was born. Eighteen months later, their brother was born. The littlest was born 23 months later.
Did you catch that?
From 2009 – 2014 we had four kids.
Talk about the trenches of motherhood. I was in the trenches and wasn’t sure I’d ever see the light.
No one ever talked about how lonely motherhood would be.
The mundane moments that were exhausting. How I would wish our laundry room was on the bottom floor because it took so much energy and mental space to run up the stairs and switch around the laundry, let alone put it away. That chicken nuggets would become a staple because they were easy and everyone would eat them, or that one minute I would be changing a blow out diaper and the next find that one of the kids got a container of blueberries out of the fridge and was making trails for the ants to follow.
It never ended. Ever.
I wasn’t the only one. Was I?
Everyone else seemed to have their life altogether, and I was barely holding on.
Are You a Stay At Home Mom Going Crazy?
I saw all these perfect moms on blogs and in forums. They had meal plans and got dressed every day. Balancing kids, home life, and dating their spouse were effortless. They had it all together.
I was lonely. My friends were busy. The kids I prayed for and desperately wanted were driving me crazy. I was trying to hold it all together. We almost lost our house.
So I decided to do something crazy.
I started Beauty in the Mess (now Simplifying Family).
The mission behind Simplifying Family was for moms to know that they weren’t alone. We were in this together. Even though they might have moved away from their friends and family, they had a community of other moms to support them. I never wanted another mom to feel the loneliness I did. I wanted them to know that nothing about motherhood is perfect.
We are all just trying to get through the day.
And hopefully, sleep.
The Boring Mom Life
Somewhere along the way, I believed the lie that I had to do more and be more to be a great mom.
But I couldn’t.
I didn’t have the bandwidth to create amazing Easter Baskets, to set traps for imaginary creatures, or to make a hot breakfast every morning. I was the definition of hot mess mama. Sometimes we have oatmeal or eggs for breakfast, but a lot of time we have cereal because the kids can pour their own.
We don’t have big elaborate birthday parties. Usually, the person being celebrated gets to pick where we eat out for dinner or lunch and we go do something fun together as a family. There aren’t balloon walls or streamers in the door.
While I love creating, and at one time I actually sewed birthday outfits, having kids changed that. I lost part of myself.
That’s what motherhood is. Giving of yourself so your littles know they are loved and safe. Because in the end, that’s all that matters.
There will be time for me. There will be time for you. But right now, in this season, we give of ourselves, sacrificing part of us for them.
And it’s worth it.
The “I love you, Mommy” and the snuggles as we read the same book for the hundredth time because it’s all of a sudden their favorite. The pizza and family movie night every Friday night from now until what feels like an eternity. Laying with them in bed and listening as they replay every single detail of their day.
Knowing that they are loved and safe is the most important thing I can give them.
While it’s not earth-shattering, Pinterest Perfect, or blog-worthy, it’s my life. My boring life is made up of mundane moments. Filled with the best little treasures.
It’s worth it to be the boring mom for a season. It’s okay to feel like a boring mom.
Because we all know that the days may be long, but the years are short. (The Best Advice New Moms Need to Remember)
My name is Whitney. I’m a boring mom.
And that’s okay. I love this boring mom life.
Tuesday 6th of July 2021
I really really appreciate this post I relate so much. I felt like I had it pretty well together after I had my first. Three and a half years later we had a second then when she was 8 months old found out I was having a third. That child is now 5 and I still have not found any type of balance. The absolute hardest thing for me was my mom and the constant reminder of how perfect and put together she was. She could do it all. She ran a daycare while I was younger and still had the house spotless and hot healthy meals on the table every night. She did the themed birthday parties and even played with us when she could. She thinks I'm an absolute failure and her thoughts about me really affect me. I actually had to cut her out of my life two years ago because of it all. Plus my stepdad never liked me and I always felt that he didn't like my kids or want them around. My kids still ask for her and it kills me. I just don't want her planting thoughts in their mind of what a crappy mother I am. I do my best and I love my kids with all my heart but I simply don't have the energy or know how that she has. I'm sorry for rambling but this hurts my heart so bad.
Tuesday 1st of October 2019
It looks like I found this too late but that is exactly how I feel! Mom of 5
Sunday 7th of October 2018
I've typed "I am a boring mom" in Google today , because of the guilt of being messy, too tired for doing activities with kids, too broke for taking them out, I felt worn out, no inspiration visits me anymore (and I was KG and nursery teacher!!) We moved this school year to Amman, my husband's country, he stayed back , he had to. I don't speak arabic, don't have a car and leave in a neighbourhood with small supermarkets and one tiny stationary, meaning almost nothing can be arranged for crafts or any activities. The other day I gave my 3 smallest kids (1.9, 3.7 and 6 year old ) a dish with a flour to play....I ended up cleaning longer than they played ;) . I have 5 children and don't know how to offer them more than school, tasty meals and clean house, we can't afford more than this right now. Thank you so much , Whitney , for this post, I cried , but it helped me forgive myself for not being perfect "Pinterest mom"... I really feel so much better. I'm trying to improve our lives and in a process of getting my e-commerce store, but being so depressed doesn't help much. Today your post gave me hope. Big warm hug from Amman!
Thursday 5th of July 2018
Thank you so much for this wonderful post! I have been feeling very inadequate with regards to being a mum as ‘everyone else’ seems to be taking their toddlers to a variety of activities week in week out whereas my little one has never had regular football/rugby/gymnastics/dancing/ lion taming/fire eating classes. As a family we have had quite a few foreign holidays which I am so grateful for but back home things are not quite as exotic. I spend most of my time cooking and cleaning especially since my husband works long shifts and sometimes has to stay away for work training etc. So we eat well, have a cosy well maintained home and our boy is a cheerful healthy boy that seems happy and content. But still I feel like I am not doing enough because am not taking him out to adventure parks/soft play/other random toddler based activities regularly. He does go Pre-school part time and has a lovely time. Motherhood does seem to have quite a lot on instagram/Facebook worthy boasting and can be quite overwhelming. Your post was refreshing and comforting at the same time.
Monday 2nd of April 2018
Hi Whitney, I am not even sure how I ended up at your page, but it has spoken to me greatly. Motherhood is a challenge, full of beauty amongst the mundane. I love my four kids so much , but I would love to stop time for a little while to achieve some of the stuff that I have put on the back burner (or just to rest!), but it ain't gonna happen. One day it will & I will be able to sit around with my beautiful kids and share funny memories of this time (mostly:)