I’m a Boring Mom and That’s Okay
Do you ever scroll through Instagram or Pinterest and wonder if you'll ever measure up? Let's stop and embrace who we are and this boring mom life.
Hi, my name is Whitney. I'm a mom of four, and I'm a boring mom. But this is my boring mom life.
My days are filled with trying to remember who to pick up when, keeping my family fed, and trying hard to not leave the clothes in the washing machine for DAYS. Being a stay-at-home mom is boring.
Am I alone in this?
Everywhere I look I see moms who have it all together. Their lives look fun and exciting. Picture perfect even, and then there is me. The boring mom. Feeling like I am less than and that I will never measure up. Wondering if there is life beyond my kids. Trying to figure out where I went wrong and if I will ever have friends again.
I've become a boring mom.
The Boring Mom Life
Do you ever scroll through Instagram or Pinterest and wonder if you'll ever measure up? Do you long for the simple days of your childhood? Are you tired of feeling like a failure because you can't keep up?
Sometimes I wonder if my kids will end up in therapy because we didn't host themed birthday parties, plan out amazing Easter Baskets, or have special elaborate celebrations for holidays. I feel like I'm causing my kids to miss out on the important things in life. But it's all I can do to make sure everyone has a full belly, clean clothes, and feels loved throughout the day. Anything on top of that feels overwhelming, not to mention costly. Sometimes I long for the days before social media when life seemed more simple. Less about the pomp and circumstance, and more about pouring ourselves into the lives of our children without guilt.
Life Before Kids
Before kids, I talked on the phone. A lot. Now, when the phone rings, the kids start screaming and running around like lunatics, so I let it ring. If you want to get a hold of me, send a text. I know that this crazy season won't last forever, so I'm okay with it. Most days.
Before kids, I went out. With friends. Do people still do that? Sometimes it was out to eat and other times it was hanging out at someone's house. We talked about life and what we just found at Target, what we thought life would look like with kids. We, of course, knew what we were talking about because we were babysitters and worked at daycare centers. Are you laughing? You should be. We didn't have A CLUE. LOL
My arms ached for a baby, but it wasn't meant to be. Doctors didn't know why. Nothing was happening.
Boring Mom Life
Three months after moving to a new area, we found out I was pregnant. I was both elated and uncertain. I mean, we waited for YEARS for this to happen, and yet, we had just left our support system. The people who had walked the infertility road with me were now hours away.
Our oldest was born, and 19 months later our oldest son was born. Eighteen months later, their brother was born. The littlest was born 23 months later.
Did you catch that?
From 2009 – 2014 we had four kids.
Talk about the trenches of motherhood. I was in the trenches and wasn't sure I'd ever see the light.
No one ever talked about how lonely motherhood would be.
The mundane moments were exhausting. How I wish our laundry room was on the bottom floor because it took so much energy and mental space to run up the stairs and switch around the laundry, let alone put it away. That chicken nuggets would become a staple because they were easy and everyone would eat them, or that one minute I would be changing a blowout diaper and the next find that one of the kids got a container of blueberries out of the fridge and was making trails for the ants to follow.
It never ended. Ever.
I wasn't the only one. Was I?
Everyone else seemed to have their life altogether, and I was barely holding on.
Are You a Stay At Home Mom Going Crazy?
I saw all these perfect moms on blogs and in forums. They had meal plans and got dressed every day. Balancing kids, home life, and dating their spouse were effortless. They had it all together.
HOW?!
I was lonely. My friends were busy. The kids I prayed for and desperately wanted were driving me crazy. I was trying to hold it all together. We almost lost our house.
So I decided to do something crazy.
I started Beauty in the Mess (now Simplifying Family).
The mission behind Simplifying Family was for moms to know that they weren't alone. We were in this together. Even though they might have moved away from their friends and family, they had a community of other moms to support them. I never wanted another mom to feel the loneliness I did. I wanted them to know that nothing about motherhood is perfect.
We are all just trying to get through the day.
And hopefully, sleep.
One day.
The Boring Mom Life
Somewhere along the way, I believed the lie that I had to do more and be more to be a great mom.
But I couldn't.
I didn't have the bandwidth to create amazing Easter Baskets, set traps for imaginary creatures, or make a hot breakfast every morning. I was the definition of a hot mess mama. Sometimes we have oatmeal or eggs for breakfast, but a lot of time we have cereal because the kids can pour their own.
We don't have big elaborate birthday parties. Usually, the person being celebrated gets to pick where we eat out for dinner or lunch and we go do something fun together as a family. There aren't balloon walls or streamers in the door.
While I love creating, and at one time I sewed birthday outfits, having kids changed that. I lost part of myself.
That's what motherhood is. Giving of yourself so your littles know they are loved and safe. Because in the end, that's all that matters.
There will be time for me. There will be time for you. But right now, in this season, we give of ourselves, sacrificing part of us for them.
And it's worth it.
The “I love you, Mommy” and the snuggles as we read the same book for the hundredth time because it's all of a sudden their favorite. The pizza and family movie night every Friday night from now until what feels like an eternity. Laying with them in bed and listening as they replay every single detail of their day.
Knowing that they are loved and safe is the most important thing I can give them.
While it's not earth-shattering, Pinterest Perfect, or blog-worthy, it's my life. My boring life is made up of mundane moments. Filled with the best little treasures.
It's worth it to be the boring mom for a season. It's okay to feel like a boring mom.
Because we all know that the days may be long, but the years are short. (The Best Advice New Moms Need to Remember)
My name is Whitney. I'm a boring mom.
And that's okay. I love this boring mom life.
It seems that you do have the important things in life covered!
Thank you for that encouragement.
Cute story sounds alot like my life!
Oh yes. This is me. It is summer now, and I have a preteen and a teenager. I feel like i should be creating all kinds of summer fun for them. But, honestly, we are going on a big family vacation this summer, and the rest they are on their own. If they ask to do something, we try to do that. But otherwise, go outside and play, hang with friends and family. Go to the gym, Etc. I’m too worn out to plan activities they are going to whine about doing anyway!! :)))
I usually don’t leave comments after reading posts, but this spoke to me on so many levels. I was meant to read this today. While I only have a soon to be 2 year old(how did that happen?!) and one due in a few months, I can definitely relate to the feelings of being overwhelmed loneliness and not measuring up to today’s “Pinterest worthy” standards. We moved 1,000 miles away from all my friends and family two weeks before finding out I was pregnant with #1. I was excited and terrified, still am. The loneliness comes in waves, more like tsunamis… like today. It makes it hard to be so sad sometimes and still create amazing projects and memories every single day. I’m not the only tired, lonely mama just trying to keep head above water.
Hugs, Mama. I wish we could go out for coffee. It’s HARD. SO hard. I know those tsunami waves of loneliness so well. You aren’t alone. There are so many of us feeling like we are barely holding it together. <3
I so feel behind I’m a mother of two a 3 year old daughter who is amazing and her 2 year old brother who I’m struggling with. He is 2 ! As I lay awake in my bed pray he will fall asleep. I spend my day care for my brothers kids picking them up from school and dinner. They are 8,7,6,4,3 . A total of seven I try to do my best but it all so crazy from the pile of laundry to dishes that need washing to. I’m so lost . Reading this made me feel better that I’m not the only one. Thank u
You are not alone, Alissa. Picture perfect motherhood is an illusion. We all feel behind and the loneliness comes in waves. Hugs, mama. You aren’t alone.
Thank you for this. I am crying after reading it. I’ve had a particularly hard week with my two kids who I also desperately wanted. I feel so much guilt for all the things and people I can’t provide for them. I’m so lonely it feels like a crushing weight. Thank you for showing me I’m not alone in these feelings and experiences.
You are not alone, Stephanie. The loneliness does feel crushing. It would hit me in waves. Then I would feel guilty for feeling lonely when I wasn’t alone, I was with my kids. Hugs, mama. You are not alone.
Thanks for the my all moms friends
Because I didn’t have money or dad no life so I fill proud to my mom
My name is Whitney, so this definitely spoke to me! I have two – 15 months and 3 years, and I am coming into acceptance of who I am and what my life is. I am not big on holiday hoopla, crafting, or arranging lots of play dates. Many days we don’t even leave the house. I used to question whether I was doing enough, comparing the number of activities we did to others, or the amount of socialization. But I concluded that my family is
happy and life evolves in its own way and time, and all the “i should be doing x or y” tends to come from comparison to others who have different personalities, circumstances, and desires. It’s the comparison game that tends to plant seeds of doubt and confusion. So I am more and more giving myself permission to be who I am and do what comes authentically. I am a boring mom, too. But I have uncovered an appreciation for such small things which I never had before. Though tired and worn out, my heart is full.
I LOVE this, Whitney. SO very much. It’s the place where we can release the guilt that holds us in bondage. Motherhood is HARD. But it’s also amazing and life-giving. We can go to bed with full hearts, giving thanks for what we do have instead of beating ourselves up for what we may never accomplish due to circumstances out of our control. Rock on, Mama. You are doing an amazing job.
Really, here I am, halfway around the world from you – and I thought I am the only one. It made me feel so lonely thinking I am terribly alone in that, wanting to be a baby again with no worries in the world, being satisfied if I get 20% of today’s s*t done… I can relate, perfectly. It helps me a lot to read this from you, thank you so much!!! The day will come. Meanwhile I exchange photos of my hot mess with a friend of mine (we remind each other that other people fail too) and try not to forget what I like. One day I will pursue a hobby or spontaneously create something. Greetings from Luxembourg to wherever you live. Hold on. This, too, shall pass.
You aren’t alone. I love that you have a friend you exchange photos with. That makes a world of difference. When my oldest was a baby and I was trying to figure out life with a baby, I had a friend whose baby was a few weeks younger. It made a huge difference knowing I wasn’t alone. Those late night nursing text sessions were my favorite.
Thanks, I’ve been a boring mum for years. But i just want to encourage you all that before you know it your youngest will be in full time school and then just a little bit of your life will come back. You will be able to drink a full cup of tea and maybe occasionally for a couple of hours see the bottom of your washing basket. As a mum of 5 these little things are still boring but also things that make you smile…and then come the teenage years, but that’s a whole other story! P.s the crochet book and wool I bought are still at the bottom of a drawer… maybe when the kids leave home…
Very true. Thank you for your encouragement. It’s important to find joy in the little things. Years from now, those little things and “boring” moments might be the treasured memories our kids take with them. I have knitting needles and yarn sitting in a closet for me. I’ll get around to it eventually.
I needed to find this article, thank you! We started our family you guys, I was 18 and hubby was 20 when we had our daughter. We had our son 19months later. All of my friends were single or dating,moving away or going to college and didn’t know how to connect with me after I had kids, which I don’t blame them for. I struggle with depression and anxiety, and my family is super toxic, so we’ve had to take breaks from them. Hubby’s family all have careers going on and not in the same stage, and being an introvert makes it really hard to make friends. I’m almost 6mths pregnant with baby#3 and just starting to make friends with a couple of the wives of hubby’s coworkers but I feel so at a loss of how to have friends anymore!
Hi Whitney,
I am not even sure how I ended up at your page, but it has spoken to me greatly. Motherhood is a challenge, full of beauty amongst the mundane. I love my four kids so much , but I would love to stop time for a little while to achieve some of the stuff that I have put on the back burner (or just to rest!), but it ain’t gonna happen. One day it will & I will be able to sit around with my beautiful kids and share funny memories of this time (mostly:)
Thank you so much for this wonderful post! I have been feeling very inadequate with regards to being a mum as ‘everyone else’ seems to be taking their toddlers to a variety of activities week in week out whereas my little one has never had regular football/rugby/gymnastics/dancing/
lion taming/fire eating classes. As a family we have had quite a few foreign holidays which I am so grateful for but back home things are not quite as exotic. I spend most of my time cooking and cleaning especially since my husband works long shifts and sometimes has to stay away for work training etc. So we eat well, have a cosy well maintained home and our boy is a cheerful healthy boy that seems happy and content. But still I feel like I am not doing enough because am not taking him out to adventure parks/soft play/other random toddler based activities regularly. He does go Pre-school part time and has a lovely time. Motherhood does seem to have quite a lot on instagram/Facebook worthy boasting and can be quite overwhelming. Your post was refreshing and comforting at the same time.
I’ve typed “I am a boring mom” in Google today , because of the guilt of being messy, too tired for doing activities with kids, too broke for taking them out, I felt worn out, no inspiration visits me anymore (and I was KG and nursery teacher!!) We moved this school year to Amman, my husband’s country, he stayed back , he had to. I don’t speak arabic, don’t have a car and leave in a neighbourhood with small supermarkets and one tiny stationary, meaning almost nothing can be arranged for crafts or any activities. The other day I gave my 3 smallest kids (1.9, 3.7 and 6 year old ) a dish with a flour to play….I ended up cleaning longer than they played 😉 . I have 5 children and don’t know how to offer them more than school, tasty meals and
clean house, we can’t afford more than this right now. Thank you so much , Whitney , for this post, I cried , but it helped me forgive myself for not being perfect “Pinterest mom”… I really feel so much better. I’m trying to improve our lives and in a process of getting my e-commerce store, but being so depressed doesn’t help much. Today your post gave me hope. Big warm hug from Amman!
It looks like I found this too late but that is exactly how I feel! Mom of 5
I really really appreciate this post I relate so much. I felt like I had it pretty well together after I had my first. Three and a half years later we had a second then when she was 8 months old found out I was having a third. That child is now 5 and I still have not found any type of balance. The absolute hardest thing for me was my mom and the constant reminder of how perfect and put together she was. She could do it all. She ran a daycare while I was younger and still had the house spotless and hot healthy meals on the table every night. She did the themed birthday parties and even played with us when she could. She thinks I’m an absolute failure and her thoughts about me really affect me. I actually had to cut her out of my life two years ago because of it all. Plus my stepdad never liked me and I always felt that he didn’t like my kids or want them around. My kids still ask for her and it kills me. I just don’t want her planting thoughts in their mind of what a crappy mother I am. I do my best and I love my kids with all my heart but I simply don’t have the energy or know how that she has. I’m sorry for rambling but this hurts my heart so bad.