Motherhood is this wonderful, bizarre, venture that can leave you laughing one moment and crying the next. It’s beautiful, stretching, fulfilling, and refining. One minute you think you finally have a handle on it and the next you are texting your friends trying to figure out who took your happy baby and replaced them with this screaming child.
After writing The Boring Mom, I realized that SO many of us feel alone. We feel like we’re failing at motherhood. That we aren’t enough. We feel like we will never measure up. We are so connected and yet, we feel isolated.
If you remember nothing else today, remember that you are not alone.
It feels heavy. This season is hard. It’s messy.
Kind of like a meesy playroom.
You are not alone.
Sometimes our reality is far from the idyllic version of motherhood we dreamed of as we played Mommy as children. Those babies were quiet after they were fed, hardly ever needed their diapers changed, and were far more cooperative. When we told them to stay put, they listened! During this time of pretend play, watching other moms interact with their children, and seeing motherhood portrayed on social media, we have started to believe certain myths about motherhood. Mama, you are already overwhelmed with trying to survive the day. You don’t need added unnecessary stress to your already full plate.
5 Truths Every Mom Needs to Hear
1. It’s okay to not love every moment of motherhood. Not every second is sunshine and unicorns. Even after struggling with infertility and longing for a baby of my own for years, I didn’t love every moment. That’s okay. Not loving every moment of motherhood is NORMAL. No one really loves cleaning up throw-up or waking up five times a night with a fussy baby, but we do it because part of being a mom is giving of ourselves.
2. No one has it all figured out. They might like to think they do, but the reality is that every baby is different. What works for one won’t necessarily work for another. What works one day won’t work the next. You aren’t alone in your frustration. Children are bizarre little creatures with their own personality and drive. Study your child and see what works for them. Then shut out the other well-meaning advice and do your own thing.
3. Asking for help, even if it’s only so you can grab a shower, is okay. Do not be afraid to ask. I was always afraid of looking helpless. I hated the idea of inconveniencing anyone. Let me tell you something. That was stupid. Your circle of friends and family won’t know you need help unless you tell them.
4. Having a bad day doesn’t make you a bad parent. Bad days will come. As you are gathering stuff together to run errands, the toddler will lose their shoes, the baby will have a blow out diaper, the tween will whine and complain about everything under the sun, and the dog will eat the meat you left thawing on the counter that you meant to put in the fridge. Some days just suck. You are an amazing mom. Bad days don’t define you.
5. Postpartum anxiety is real and doesn’t look like postpartum depression. If you find yourself getting irritable at the drop of a hat, worrying about things that you didn’t really worry about before, feeling so completely overwhelmed that you don’t know how you’re going to make it through the rest of the day, screaming because you need to catch your breath for a moment, please promise me you will talk to your doctor or midwife about postpartum anxiety. If you feel off after giving birth, even if your baby is a year old or older, please ask your doctor about PPA. You aren’t alone. You are not crazy.
Remember that no matter what happens, you are not alone. There are other moms going through the same thing.